Came Into My Life Make Me Fly Again
Let's face it — hardly anybody wants to listen to the flying attendants on an aeroplane. If information technology's the in-flight safety announcements, it's ho-hum. If it'south an emergency declaration, it's terrifying. Neither of those are optimal states of being, so what can y'all do?
A sense of humor goes a long way in making wearisome situations tolerable and terrifying situations manageable. These flying attendants go along the states laughing despite the challenges of modern air travel.
Y'all've Got to Become Your Inventory Somewhere
Possibly we'd all leave fewer things behind on airplanes if we knew they'd end up getting peddled on the blackness market. Upon landing, one airline bellboy was overheard saying, "Please feel free to exit behind whatever of your items in the overhead compartment; I'm having a yard auction this weekend."
Next time you run into your luggage, neck pillows or duty-free vodka in someone's front yard, you lot'll know where they came from. Perhaps if you work something out with the flight bellboy, you tin can go a cutting!
Crude Landing
After a peculiarly rough landing, one flight attendant quipped, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have simply attacked Los Angeles." After the baggage has been thrown asunder throughout the motel, the booze has splashed on your vacation clothes, you whispered your prayers and your duke have whitened…it's always good to end on a hearty laugh.
Run into? Y'all almost all died in a horrific fireball crashing onto the runway at uncontrollable speeds. Only you didn't, and then just forget information technology and get soused at the airport bar like the rest of the passengers.
For the Quickest Way off the Aeroplane…
Being intimidated by the buttons in a higher place you lot in passenger seating is silly. Look at the pilots — they take hundreds of buttons to deal with. You have only a few piddling buttons to a higher place your seat, and none of them affect the functioning of the plane. At least, that's what we're told.
But not so fast. Ane flight attendant said this: "The yellow button is your reading light. Please don't press the orangish button unless yous admittedly accept to. The orangish push is your ejector seat push button." Better hope you waited for those instructions!
It Seemed Similar a Good Idea at the Time
It's unlikely that anyone who has e'er dreamed of having children has really thought through all the details. Sure, those kids seem to complete the idyllic family life, just that was before you locked yourself into a metal cylinder with them hurtling through the air at ludicrous speeds.
One flight attendant was overheard asking a question for the ages: "For those of yous traveling with your children — why? And for those of you that are traveling with two of your children, what in the world were y'all thinking?"
Don't Become Stuck Belongings the Pocketbook
Flight attendants come up with creative means of getting all the passengers off the plane as soon as possible. They're on a tight schedule and don't have time for dawdlers.
Ane tin only imagine the stampede of passengers rushing off when one flying attendant announced, "Last one off the plane must clean it." They're kidding, right? They have specialized teams of cleaners for that, don't they? Ameliorate push a few children and sometime ladies out of the way just to be sure.
She'southward Pop
Southwest Airlines flight attendant Marty Cobb posted a viral video of herself performing a comedic version of the rubber instructions. She started with, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention for but a few moments? My ex-husband, my new boyfriend and their divorce attorney are going to show the safety features."
Of course, she was kidding. Or maybe she was just half-kidding. Either way, she might've picked up a few more phone numbers on that flight. But be careful, fellas; she's a human-eater, and yous may end up on YouTube.
That's Gonna Cost Ya
Viral flying attendant star Marty Cobb had a few more than jokes up her sleeve, touching on how airlines similar to nickel and dime passengers for amenities. During the in-flight safety demonstration with the oxygen mask, she appear, "To actuate the flow of oxygen, simply insert 75 cents for the first minute."
Well, that's reasonable. Things similar snack boxes, liquor, in-flying Wi-Fi and oxygen are all extra. Wait. What? Don't worry virtually information technology. As long equally yous have a small- or medium-sized haversack full of quarters, you'll exist but fine.
Put It Out or Nosotros'll Put Y'all Out
There was a mean solar day when passengers could smoke in the passenger cabins of airplanes, simply those days are long gone. However, some passengers still demand some polite reminding.
Not to put likewise fine a point on it, ane flying bellboy announced, "There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. In that location is also no smoking in the toilets. If we see any smoke coming from a toilet, we volition assume you are on fire and put you lot out. This is a free service we provide to you lot."
Was That My Luggage?
In that location's nothing similar a scrap of violent dropping and shaking on an aeroplane to go the ol' blood flowing over again. Panic is usually passengers' first reaction, followed by a death grip on the armrests and the downing of any liquor within accomplish. It's not pleasant, and it can't end soon enough.
Flight attendants know this and often try to disarm the situation with humor. During a nasty spell of turbulence, a flight bellboy assured passengers, "No need to be alarmed folks. That's merely the sound of your luggage existence ejected from the aircraft."
Try Not to Think About Information technology
Does anyone ever actually cease to think that strapping into an aeroplane and flying across the country is something our ancestors would have considered insane? That in that location's nothing separating you from the ground thousands of anxiety down other than a sparse sail of metal?
In case they might've forgotten, one flight attendant reminded passengers, "Thank you for flying with us today. And the next time you become the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll retrieve of US Airways."
Aiming to Delight
It's great to know that when something goes wrong on an airplane, the flight attendants and coiffure effort to go out of their way to set it. It doesn't e'er work, merely at least they put in some effort.
Riffing on traditional customer service spiels, one flying attendant assured passengers who had been waiting a long time at the gate, "Sorry for the delay folks, simply the car that breaks your luggage is broken. Nosotros'll accept you off the plane as soon as we become done breaking it past hand."
Choose Well
Nature has a way of guaranteeing the survival of your genes. If you have many children, congratulations! They'll look afterward you when y'all've grown old. As long as you look subsequently them well correct at present — which might be hard, depending on the flying y'all book.
Instance in point? One flight attendant pointed out the following during the safety sit-in: "If you are traveling with ii or more children, please take a moment now to decide which one is your favorite. Assist that one first, then work your style downward."
Don't Get Your Hopes Up
Though experienced flyers know what all the buttons to a higher place the seat do, there are always a few newbies who may non. The flight attendants are there to help go those rookies caught up to speed.
As Southwest Airlines flying attendant Jeff Simpson one time explained, "We'll be dimming the lights in the motel. Pushing the lite-bulb push button volition turn your reading light on. However, pushing the flight-attendant button will not plow your flying bellboy on." Thank goodness for that.
It's Similar a Water Park
No one ever wants to really imagine what happens "in the event of a water landing." Yes, y'all're glad in that location are precautions, simply you pray this won't happen to you. That's non a euphemism you want to hear associated with planes.
1 Southwest Airlines flying attendant put a chipper spin on the gloom and doom of imagining the worst and reframed it as a political party: "In the event of a water landing, your seat-bottom cushions can exist used equally flotation devices. Just kick-paddle, kick-paddle all the way to shore. We will exist certain to follow you with the alcohol."
Information technology'due south Just Business concern
If you cease and think well-nigh it, business travelers pay a lot for their airline tickets, particularly when you lot consider how much they pay for huge upgrades over coach. This is not lost on the flying attendants, who seem to give a nod to the fact that these frequent flyers spend quite a bit.
Said one snarky flying attendant on Delta, "Thank you lot for flying Delta Business concern Express. We promise you enjoyed giving us the business organisation as much every bit we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
Not to Land the Obvious
Have-off speed for the average commercial airliner is somewhere around 150 miles an hour. That's faster than yous'll go in a car, and you're doing it in a gigantic jetliner that weighs somewhere around sixty tons. Those engines have to piece of work overtime to get you into the air. If y'all stop and think about what information technology takes, you realize it'due south quite impressive.
As one Southwest flight attendant said: "Buckle your seatbelts folks. We're about to get so fast that we're gonna fly." It's kind of a mod miracle, so strap yourself in!
No One Flies for the Nutrient
Plane food has been the butt of jokes for decades. And with expert reason! But to exist fair, not every airline serves horrible food, and if yous're in starting time class, your experience is much different. That beingness said, for nigh everyone the meals are just awful.
The flying attendants know this, and in 1 of their announcements they used it equally a threat: "Please remain seated until the plane has come to a complete end at the gate. Anyone caught continuing upwardly will be forcefulness-fed some other repast."
Public Service Announcement
We all know smoking is bad for us, yet millions of people nevertheless light up every solar day. Generations ago, smoking was everywhere: restaurants, planes, bars, hotels. These days in nigh places, smoking is limited to outdoor spaces or inside your own home.
Dorsum in the 1990s, there was some other major push using public service announcements to stop people from smoking. I rider who was flying United Airlines back then remembers overhearing a flight attendant announce: "…and equally y'all enter the final, please remember not to smoke…for the balance of your lives."
If You Don't Like the Oxygen, Yous'll Love the Booze
Anybody who's flown has seen the safety demonstration, and so information technology's non similar you're missing something if you tune out — except when the flight attendants kickoff messing with your head. Southwest, in particular, is known for inserting humor into the otherwise-dry and canned safety announcements that the Federal Aviation Administration makes mandatory.
It'due south when you're kind of zoning out that they tin slip in the stealth joke. During the oxygen-mask presentation, 1 flight attendant quipped, "Although the plastic pocketbook may not inflate, you are receiving lots and lots of gin."
Whatsoever Happens in Vegas…
Flight attendants working the shuttle between Los Angeles and Las Vegas have surely seen it all. The contrast between the "nosotros're all gonna be rich!" energy on the way to Vegas couldn't exist more different than the "we're hungover and broke" vibe on the way back. Reality is pretty tough.
As 1 passenger was returning to Los Angeles from Vegas, he heard the flight bellboy say, "Ladies and gentlemen, I hope y'all enjoyed our brusque flight from Las Vegas. As a friendly reminder, please put your wedding ceremony rings back on."
The Option Is Yours
Allow's face it. Flying isn't an ideal comfort state of affairs for anyone unless you're in first or business organisation class — but even all those amenities can't make up for being trapped in a can can with dozens of people flying at unfathomable speeds.
However, with the right mindset, you can at to the lowest degree savour a potable, sentinel a flick, listen to music or take a nap to pass the time. Ane flying attendant encouraged passengers to detect their inner Zen: "Sit back and relax, or sit down up and exist tense, either manner."
Survival Can Exist a Political party
This joke was then popular it made the regular rounds on the Southwest in-flying safety announcements for a while. It's difficult to make light of a potentially life-threatening situation, just information technology's not difficult to recognize the ridiculous fashion argument a life vest makes.
If you lot're going to practise gallows aeroplane humor, you might likewise get a little silly with it. Every bit many of the flying attendants on Southwest say, "You'll find in the highly unlikely event the helm lands most a hot tub everybody gets their own teeny weeny yellow bikini."
The Smoking Section Is Breezy
The urge for serious smokers to start puffing on a flight is real. That'south the power of nicotine addiction. But, unless you're a time traveler from the 1960s, everyone knows that you can't light up on a plane. Betwixt the jet fuel and the flammable upholstery, information technology's a wonder smoking was e'er allowed to begin with.
This windy warning was heard on a Southwest flight: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you tin light 'em, y'all tin can smoke 'em."
Become Out the Back, Jack
Most everyone would like to recall that they'd remain calm in an emergency state of affairs, but reality dictates otherwise. In case of an emergency landing, the biggest and strongest among the passengers might autumn autonomously, while the smallest and shyest may exist stoic and calm. This is why it's important to mind during the part of the rubber demonstration most exits.
Every bit ane flight attendant pointed out, "At that place may be 50 means to leave your lover, but there are only iv means out of this plane." Remember, and have notes.
Who Says Nothing Is Free Anymore?
The older generations remember that flying used to come with all kinds of perks that were complimentary with your boarding pass. Meals were much more than improvident. You didn't have to pay extra for carry-on luggage. Y'all could usually become at to the lowest degree 1 boozy potable for costless.
These days y'all're lucky if you can go some extra cheese and crackers for less than $15. But you yet become a few things for costless. Ane customer-minded flying attendant reminded passengers, "Please go along your seat belts fastened and enjoy our complimentary turbulence."
Reverse Psychology
Sometimes it's more powerful to work with passenger urges instead of confronting them. Flight attendants know about that weird 20 minutes or so between when the plane lands and when information technology comes to a full finish. That's when every passenger on the plane is champing at the bit to stand up up, stretch and go out.
Once one particular flight landed in London, the flight attendants appear, "Nosotros are currently recruiting people to clean the aircraft. If you wish to volunteer, then delight stand up before we accept come to a stop."
We Take Full Responsibleness
There'southward nothing more refreshing than an airline that takes complete responsibility for any and all customer service-related issues. Well, in that location'due south 1 affair more than refreshing: an airline that doesn't accept itself as well seriously and uses humor to defuse bug. For some reason, it's easier to trust someone who's funny over a stiff blimp shirt.
One chipper Southwest flying attendant said, "Give thanks you for choosing Southwest Airlines for your flying today. If you had whatsoever issues with this flying, recall you were riding with Delta." Got that? D-E-L-T-A.
You Aren't Made of Money
Fines are steep for misbehaving on airplanes. Penalties are high for smoking, considering, yous know, open up flames and flammable everything-around-you don't mix. And you just can't get that cigarette fume out of the recirculated air.
During the prophylactic sit-in, a flying attendant made that clear past announcing: "No smoking is immune, not even in the toilets. Don't be naughty in our potty. If you exercise there is a $2,000 fine, and if you lot had that kind of money y'all'd be flying United instead of Southwest."
Don't Scrimp on the Extras
After the total presentation on using the oxygen mask in an emergency, Southwest flight bellboy Marty Cobb added, "And let's be honest, only those that paid the extra $49.99 get any extra oxygen."
The funny (or not-so-funny) thing about this is that almost everyone could imagine a future in which people might accept to pay actress in advance for life-saving civilities such equally oxygen or inflatable life vests. Possibly if you merely spring for the floating cushion, you tin suck the air out of that instead.
Smiling and Don't Panic
One plane had such a rough landing in Phoenix, even the smiling flight attendants couldn't assistance commenting. Y'all take to wonder if they have these announcements scripted beforehand. If they don't, near flight attendants could have futures in the comedy circuit.
One passenger recalls them reacting off the cuff: "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire fume has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your manner through the wreckage to the concluding." Sometimes it's better when they're not pretending everything is fine.
Source: https://www.faqtoids.com/travel/funny-flight-attendants?utm_content=params%3Ao%3D740006%26ad%3DdirN%26qo%3DserpIndex
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